“Old world charm” = Room and a bath
“Tropical” = Rainy
“Majestic setting” = A long way from town, at end of dirt road
“Options galore” = Nothing is included in the itinerary
“Secluded hideaway” = Directions to the location are unclear
“Some budget rooms” = Sorry, already occupied
“Explore on your own” = At your own expense
“Knowledgeable trip hosts” = They've flown in an airplane before
“No extra fees” = No extras
“Nominal fee” = Outrageous charge
“Standard” = Sub-standard
“Deluxe” = Barely Standard
“Superior accommodations” = One complimentary chocolate, free shower cap
“All the amenities” = Two chocolates, two shower caps
“Plush” = Both top and bottom sheets
“Gentle breezes” = In hurricane alley
“Light and airy” = No air conditioning
“Picturesque” = Theme park nearby
“24-hour bar” = Ice cubes at additional cost - when available
very funny
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