What Not To Say On A First Date Joke

1. I used to have a real bad bedwetting problem ... but the last couple of weeks I've gotten it under control.

2. I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden ... but could I borrow five hundred dollars?"

3. This is my apartment, but don't break anything, or you'll have to pay for it.

4. Here, have a tic-tac. It's on me.

5. (To the waitress) Could I have your phone number?

6. Before we go back to my place, you're not afraid of cockroaches, are you?

7. Hey, check out the babe sittin' in the corner. Wow, what a body!

8. What? Oh, I thought you were paying.

9. Nice dress. I have one at home just like it.

10. So my hand slipped, and the knife cut about half an inch into my thumb, and the blood was gushing all over the place, so I went to the emergency room to have it stitched up, but it kept throbbing, and swelling, and, oh, but I see you're eating.

11. I want to move out, but my mom really needs me. And, who else is gonna make my lunch? And my bed? And clean my room?

12. No, I don't have a job. I spend all my time in the basement. I'm building a submarine, when I'm not playing with my inflatable doll.

13. (Looking at her plate) "Are you going to finish that?

14. The mother ship will be returning next June. Then I'll be leaving for Neptune. Hey, here's a thought. You should come with me!

15. My old girlfriend, Lisa, was so beautiful. She looked kind of like you. I used to bring her here all the time. Do you mind if I call you Lisa?

16. Well, I don't go out in public all too often. And I don't like to be touched, so don't touch me. And try not to stare at me. And let me know if anybody else is staring at me.

17. Go ahead and Super Size - I found spare change in the sofa today.

18. Something tells me that you're very special ... but with medication I can usually ignore it.

19. I don't see my ex-girlfriend that much ... thanks to the U.S. Department of Justice.

20. Do you want to play doctor? That'll be five hundred dollars.

21. Wait till my wife hears about this!

22. I had a good time tonight. I'd love to see you again in six to eight months with good behavior.

23. I really had a good time tonight, uh, um, what the hell was your name again?