Get Out Of Consulting Joke

You know it is time to get out of consulting when...

• You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
  
• You decide to re-org your family into a "team-based organization."
  
• You refer to dating as test marketing.
  
• You can spell "paradigm."
  
• You actually know what a paradigm is.
  
• You understand your airline's fare structure.
  
• You write executive summaries on your love letters.
  
• You think that it's actually efficient to write a ten page paper with six other people you don't know.
  
• You believe every company is "a traditional functional organization, with promotion based on tenure, but one that needs to change as it is facing ever increasing competition..."
  
• You believe that a company's problems are never caused by an "ineffective handling of an administrative situation."
  
• You believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues" and "improvement opportunities."
  
• You know every single piece of clip art in PowerPoint.
  
• You calculate your own personal cost of capital.
  
• You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as "highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt."
  
• You ask your bank manager if she has heard of "Modigliani-Miller," and then you ask her if she has a pizza so you can show her.
  
• You can explain to somebody the difference between "re-engineering," "down-sizing," "right-sizing," and "firing people's asses."
  
• You actually believe your explanations of the above.
  
• You start doing your kid's math equations in reverse Polish notation.
  
• You refer to your previous life as "my sunk cost."
  
• Your three meals a day are a morning consumption function, a noontime consumption function, and an evening consumption function.
  
• You refer to your significant other as "my co-CEO."
  
• Your favorite stories begin "Bob Jones, VP of marketing, sat at his desk and stared out his window..."
  
• You like both types of sandwiches: ham and turkey.
  
• You believe CAPM is just as important as the Theory of Relativity.
  
• You believe CAPM.
  
• You start to feel sorry for Dilbert's boss.
  
• You believe the best tables and graphs take an hour to comprehend.
  
• You refer to divorce as "divestiture."
  
• Your favorite artist is the one who does the dot drawings for the Wall Street Journal.
  
• None of your favorite publications have cartoons.
  
• You account for your tuition as a capital expenditure instead of an expense.
  
• You insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child.
  
• At your last family reunion, you wanted to have an emergency meeting about their brand equity.
  
• You always call your mechanic before you start your car to see if it will blow up given the day's weather conditions and expect him to use a decision tree to work it out.
  
• You've decided the only way to afford a house is to call your fellow alumni and offer to name a room after them, if they'll help with the down payment.
  
• Your "deliverable" for Sunday evening is clean laundry and paid bills
  
• You use the term "value-added" without falling down laughing.
  
• You ask the car salesman if the car comes with a whiteboard and Internet connection.
  
• You give constructive feedback to your dog