Computer User Rules To Live By Joke Part 1

Rules to live by for computer users from the Tech Suport Department:

1. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

2. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. It's nothing for us to remember 3,000 screen saver passwords.

3. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers,bowling trophies and Popsicle art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

5. Don't put your phone extension in your e-mails to the help desk. We need to keep an eye on the address book performance.

6. When I.T. support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing the public groups.

7. When an I.T. person is eating lunch in his cube, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

8. When an I.T. person is having a smoke outside, ask him a computer question. The only reason why we smoke at all is to ferret out those clients who don't have e-mail or a telephone line.

9. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

10. When you call an I.T. person's direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual greeting that says he's out of town for a week, record your message and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the director because no one ever returned your call.
You're entitled to common courtesy.

11. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

12. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your line from here.

13. When you have a dozen CGA monitors to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.

14. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

15. If you hate your mouse, get some other pointing device and discard the manual. We know all the keyboard accelerators.

16. When an I.T. person tells you that computer monitors don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

17. When you get a message about insufficient disk space, delete everything in the Windows directory. It's nothing but trouble anyway.

18. When you get a message about a hard disk controller failure, and then you reboot and it looks okay, don't call I.T. support. We'd much rather troubleshoot it when it's dead as a doornail.

19. When you have an I.T. person on the phone walking you through changing a setting, read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to do anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.

20. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That'll get us going.