Name The Baby Joke

When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. Diane's 4-year-old son overheard some of his mother's private conversations. One day when Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.

"Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we're going to name it, too."

"Really?" asked the lady.

"Yes." said the little boy, "If it's a girl we're going to call her Sally, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!"

Blonde Police Officer Joke

A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal in a convertible sports car for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blonde for her driver's license. The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse in vain. Finally she asks, "What does it look like?"

The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it." The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it, and sure enough sees herself.

She hands the compact to the blonde cop. After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver, and says, "If you would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over, we could have avoided this whole thing."

The Devil Made Me Do It Joke

There was this preacher's wife who decided along with her husband that they really had to save more and spend less starting in the New Year. Well, she went shopping and found the dress of her dreams. It cost way too much, but she had to have it.

When she showed it to her husband, he exclaimed, "After all we said about spending less money, how could you?"

She replied, "The devil made me do it."

"Didn't you tell him 'Get thee behind me, Satan'?" asked the exasperated preacher.

"I certainly did," she replied, "but he said 'It really looks great from the back!!!!!"

New Year Resolution Joke

An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.

"This is a very special coffeecake," he explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, 'Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery.'"

"And sure enough," he continued, "the eighth time around the block, there it was!"