Christians Changing Light Bulb Joke

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only one, since his hands are in the air anyway.

Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. They only use candles.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including: incandescent, fluorescent three way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Orthodox: Ten. One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Southern Baptists: Seven on the Light Bulb Task Force Sub-committee who report to the 18 member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27 member church Board who appoint another 8 member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a light bulb, the responsibility to carry out the light bulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.

Lutherans: Change??!?!

Atheists: One. But they are still in darkness.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

Before And After Marriage Joke

Before the marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?

Now after the marriage, read from the bottom to the top!!!!

Definition Of Globalization Joke

Question:
What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer:
Princess Diana's death.

Question:
How come?

Answer:
An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
riding in a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whiskey,
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles,
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you using Bill Gates' American technology,
and you're probably reading this on one of the IBM clones,
that use Taiwanese-made chips,
and a Korean-made monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by lorries driven by Indians,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
trucked by Mexican illegals!

That, my friend, is Globalization!

Top 9 Romance Novels By Lawyers Joke

The Top 9 Passages From Romance Novels Written by Lawyers

9. "Grrrrr," she thought, as she watched her noisy neighbor sunbathing, his broad shoulders glistening with sweat. "He's a nuisance, but he's an attractive nuisance."

8. "Thurston pulled her to him and quickly divested her of all defenses, both affirmative and otherwise."

7. Chapter 9.1104(b)(3)(C)(ii) - The party of the first part, defined infra Chapter 1.001(a)(1)(A)(i), commingled with the party of the second part, defined infra Chapter 1.001(a)(1)(A)(ii), to the extent permissible by the limitations set forth in Appendix C.

6. "We joined with wild abandon, and though he often spoke eloquently and at great length, in this endeavor he was, sadly, quite brief."

5. "And as he strode up to her confidently, he knew, beyond all doubt, that she was above the legal age of consent..."

4. Discovery was an entirely new process for the young associates. He moved to compel, and she moved to quash. Three teleconferences, two mediations, and a settlement agreement later, and she presented herself for inspection at his office, fully prepared to produce.

3. "She passionately objected to his advances, but with one judicious thrust, her plea was nolo contendere."

2. Sure, their time together was magical, passionate and ultimately satisfying in ways they'd never imagined. But it wasn't billable.


And the Number 1 Passage From a Romance Novel Written by a Lawyer...

1. "Who cares what they think?" Grant said, putting a finger to her fleshy lips. "What happens between us is nobody else's business." Griswold v Connecticut, 381 US 479 (1965) (establishing constitutional right to privacy). Her fulsome breasts heaved as she replied, "But... but, ours is a forbidden love!" NJPS 37:1-1 ("Certain marriages prohibited") "Hush. You know, Rebecca, I've always thought you had a beautiful face. Now," he said, loosening the straps of her dress, "habeas corpus." (Literally, "show me the body.")